


The Reasons Why

by Kylokitty



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic!Kylo, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dark, Love, M/M, Poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, This fic is not a fic it’s a poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29301753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylokitty/pseuds/Kylokitty
Summary: Alcoholic!Kylo writes a poem for Hux in an attempt to tell him about what he’s been going through and also let him know how he feels about him.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Kudos: 13
Collections: Year of Kylux





	The Reasons Why

**Author's Note:**

> *Year of Kylux Prompt, February, Week 2: Scars/Injuries/Addiction -- For the “Addiction” prompt. 
> 
> *This is my first-time sharing/writing a Kylux poem, and also my first time sharing/writing something that I've written about a serious subject matter.  
> *This poem is written by an Alcoholic!Kylo’s perspective.

You don’t know, the places I’ve seen  
You don’t know, the places I’ve been  
The places I’ve seen, living in my head  
The places I’ve been, where I’ve felt mostly dead

Things that I tried to block out from my memory never leave  
They’ve scarred my mind, flashing before my eyes tormenting me  
The reasons why I take this drink  
The reasons why it's difficult to think

Out of all of the injuries that I have endured  
It’s the ones in my mind that have never been cured  
And I continue to hold onto a lie that I can only keep to myself  
A lie that I can control keeping the bottle on the shelf

I wake in the morning and I see and I think  
About all of the things that make me want to drink  
When I look in your eyes, I feel like a disgrace  
Yet all you see is a snarl on my face

Tonight I had a drink and I felt good  
It made me relax, the way that I think that I should  
I felt like another person, that maybe my problems were gone  
But yet, here they are again, long after the alcohol is gone

And I ask myself, how do I let these things go  
How can I grow past the only things that I’ve known  
Because all I’ve known is hate and despair  
But, there is this one special guy that really seems to care

Dazed and in a drunken stupor, I yelled at him the other night  
I broke things and he didn't even want to fight  
He cuddled me and made sure that I got to bed  
And he was there in the morning, he hadn’t fled

He seems like someone, that is worth living for  
He seems like someone, that I'd try quitting for  
Sometimes I don't have the words to tell him this, but I hope he never leaves  
Because, Armitage, you mean the world to me

I promise, that, I do want to quit  
I desire to live somewhere other than a dark pit  
Of self-loathing and lies and seek perseverance again  
For you, my special one, I wish to make amends

Love,

Kylo

**Author's Note:**

> It was difficult and liberating for me to write and share this. Say hi on Twitter @KyloKitty1


End file.
